Xellos' Advice
by The Feline Mazoku
Summary: Welcome to Xellos' Advice! Come here to hear the advice Xellos gives to people, and what happens when they take the advice seriously! (my third fan fic) Rated PG13. Donnot read if you are underage


**Author's Note:** Okay, so I write alot of different fics. So what? I keep up with them don't I?

Valgaav: Sure, that's what they all say, untill all the work catches up on them.

Xellos: Hey, this fic is about me, I don't need a slave of Gaav to mess it up -smirk-

Valgaav: -growl- In the name of my lord Gaav, I shall--

Author: Arrghghh! Would you two shut up?!

Valgaav and Xellos: ... ,,

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Slayers, I would also include myself in the show, I would be Xellos' sister, and I would be married to Valgaav.

* * *

[Xellos' Advice] 

Xellos arrived at Filia's house (at the worst time, as always) while she was making more antiques for her shop, and appeared behind her while she painted a beautiful pink bowl, and added little purple flowers on the rim.

"Hallo, Filia! How's my favorite Dragon doing these days?"

"BAKA NAMAAAGOOMIIIIII!!!!!"

It just so happens, that when Xellos appeared behind her and spoke to her so suddenly, Filia was surprised out of her mind, dropped the bowl, and it shattered all over the floor. Thus causing chaos in every direction that Filia could reach.

"Youuu!!! XELLOS!! What do you think you are doing here, in MY antique shop! Do you know how much it costed to get the clay to make that pot, and how much time and effort I put into it?!!!

"Well," said Xellos, his closed eyes giving a worried, yet very amused look, "I wasn't the one who MADE you drop your pot, Filia. As a matter of fact, I believe that my eyes saw you drop it all by yourself!" He smirked. Which was enough to set Filia on fire.

"WHAAAAT?!! HOW DARE YOU BLAME THIS ON ME! YOU SURPRISED ME LIKE THAT, SO HOW COULD I NOT DROP WHATEVER IT WAS THAT I WAS HOLDING?!!" She lifted up her skirt, grabbed mace-sama, and pointed it directly at Xellos' face. "And how can you even SEE things with your damn eyes shut all the time!!!" And with that, she took a wild swing at Xellos, and for once, she acctually hit him. But not precisely on target; Filia had aimed for his purple head, but, since Xellos saw this comming, he darted upwards. Unfortunatly, his bad timing caused Filia's mace-sama to slam with all its force into the place where, as the rednecks say it, 'the sun don't shine'.   
Filia blushed furiously as Xellos slowly hovered to the ground, clutching the place that was now bleeding (Hey I don't want to go right out and say she slammed the mace into his crotch. I mean really, little kids might be reading this ya' know).

"T-that wasn't...Wasn't fair..." He sputtered, kneeling over on the floor.

"I-I.. Uhm.. Oops..." She replied, still blushing, and quietly putting her mace-sama away. "Are... You okay, Xellos?" She asked, kneeling down beside him. Even though she hated his guts, Filia wouldn't let any creature suffer in pain without her comforting it.

"Filia.." He said, whimpering slightly as he starting to sit a little strait, "You shouldn't go around swinging that thing into people's privates. It's not very nice." He said, regaining his smirk. "Even," he added, "If you were aiming at their heads. You should go back to the Temple of that Fire Dragon, and take a 100 year training course on how to act like a REAL Dragon Priestess."

"WHAAAT.. Did you say??!!" She immediatly forgot about his suffering, and took out her mace-sama again. "Xellos! If people WANTED your namagomi advice, then they would PAY you to hear it! Now that that is understood... GET OUT OF MY SHOP!!!" She glared at him as he managed to stand up.

"You know Filia... You just gave me an idea." He grinned in the annoying way which Filia hated, and dissappeared from sight.

It just so happens, that Filia gave Xellos the idea to start an 'Advice Bussiness' in which people would pay him to hear his advice. According to him, this was an excellent plan for showing Filia that his advice was all worthwhile hearing.

* * *

"Why hello, Lina! What a suprise!" Xellos, acting overly cheerful in Lina's oppinion, was sitting back in his chair at a booth he set up at the City Fair that came around once a month.

"Xellos, I heard you were making an Advice stand... And.. Well I was wondering..."

"Wondering if I could give you advice?" suggested Xellos.

"NO! I was wondering how much people pay you to hear your advice."

"10 gold appiece."

"What?? Are you serious?! I COULD GET RICH JUST BY GIVING PEOPLE ADVICE!!!"

"Wrong, Lina." Smirked Xellos, who was enjoying all of the emotions comming from the sorceress. "I had to pay alot of money to get this booth, and the job here. The person who let me do all this, didn't seem to fond of advice givers... I doubt he'd let some high tempered, small-chested sorceress like yourself, get a job that pays so much money like this one!"

Lina had had enough of this Mazoku, and grabbed him around the neck, "Why you little creep!!!! AS IF YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME!!! That's it, I don't even WANT a stupid job that has anything to do with you!! Wait till I'm not in a town, and I will Dragon Slave your ass!!"

"Wow Lina," mused Xellos, after dissappearing and re-appearing, thus out of Lina's head lock. "You are finally civil enough not to go blasting towns to crisps, and killing everyone in sight? Maybe I was wrong about you..."

"FIRE BALL!!!"

* * *

**Author:** Well, that's all for today! Sorry it's not that long, but next chapter you get to laugh your asses off hearing what Xellos considers advice! Stay tooned, and please rate/review this fic, so I can know what you thought of it, and maybe get some ideas for Chapter 2? Tah-Tah!


End file.
